Short story using a photo as a prompt
You haven’t looked up from your phone in a while as the train carriage wasn’t busy, providing no fresh meat for people watching, but after kings cross, a new crowd storms on. Strangely, these passengers seem lifeless. As if a strong breeze would have them crumble away. You glance over the shoulder of a woman, whose glazed eyes rest in space, something is there. A.. thing… It’s no zombied passenger. This apparition fidgets and tweaks, his cheeks burning up. We are at Bank now and the crowd floats out as one. Nervously you check your phone realising the… thing is merely metres away from you with only nauseating emptiness between you both and not a soul in sight. Out of your peripheral vision, you see him staring you down. “This is not your first rodeo with a weirdo on public transport, your best bet is to pretend they’re not there” You tell yourself. The carriage rocks. Staring forward, you are unblinking as the overhead lights flicker and die.
Analysis writing experience:
I would’ve liked a higher word count as i had to cut the story short, leaving on an inconclusive ending. However, this works well with a horror story as it introduces more edge and mystery. It is tempting to embellish the text with rich descriptive words but what is important is fleshing out the setting and character. I found it hard to convey everything i was imagining into such a short word count. I like my choice of second person, present time because it makes the situation feel scarier because its current and personal. One thing i wouldve liked to do more is describe and give personality to “you”.
Plan
- First person
- N train with loads of people they all seem dead eyed and motionless as if a strong breeze would make them crumble
- Strange man/ alien in carriage seems more alive
- A busy stop approaches (bank highbury and islington) all the passengers get off
- You and the man are left the lights flicker
- In the dark his eyes open and start to glow